home sweet apartment...

i'm here... i made it...

yea!!! i'll write more when i have the time...

but it's late and i'm sleepy...

what AM i gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside my trunk?

there is much to write... the hour is late... the words will go unwritten...

except to say...

i'm alive... the drive was long and is not over yet... and the title of the post explains it all...

days that seem to last forever and goodbyes that are over in the blink of an eye...

i don't have much time or energy to write... it's late and i need to get sleep before i start the journey - in just 8 hours...

the days have been lasting forever... i feel like the last few days have lasted a month... and yet, as i say goodbye to each person that i won't see for many months, if ever, the moment is gone before i have a chance to realize it...

i've cried many tears... saying goodbye is hard... there are many emotions that i'm feeling right now... this is the hardest move i've ever had... no exceptions...

christmas was great... the christmas part, anyway... i was back and forth to my apartment a few times today... and i turned in the keys this evening and drove away... erin, who has been my lifesaver this week (and next week), asked me if i needed a moment as i was leaving #33 for the last time... she was getting a little emotional/sad... and i told her...

when you've moved as many times as me, it's not about the buildings but the people and relationships... i won't miss the apartment, i'll miss my friends and northwest family...

my heart is sad tonight... there's excitement about the journey ahead, but mostly i feel anxiety and sadness... and that's something most of the people waiting for me at the other end won't really "get" - i don't know if anyone really does... and i feel like a jerk when i am not excited... it's going to be a rough few weeks...

but for now, i need sleep or else tomorrow will be horrible!!!

a few things i forgot...

*i got some new ringtones for my phone... so now, if you call, it rings cyndi lauper's good enough, which makes me happy... i also got switch by will smith... when i change it to that, i might not answer my phone anymore because i'll be dancing... so if you call, and i don't answer, call again and let my dance party continue!

*this one is not one i take lightly...

while i was sitting in the crazy traffic, i got a phone call from one of my old youth girls... i can assure you that i've done the worst job at keeping in touch with all of them... it was one of those things that when they all graduated and went to college, they grew up so much... and i didn't keep up with most of them then, and now, i'd have no idea where most of them are...

jessica is one that i actually keep up with on a fairly regular basis... we talk once every six to nine months... we usually talk about her boyfriend (i can't remember if they're engaged yet, but they're planning on getting married next summer, i think)... and about my lack of settling down...

so i'm sitting in traffic, and my phone rings... "good enough... for me... good enough... it's good, good enough for me... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." and i look down and see that it's her... and i was really excited to be getting a random fun phone call while sitting in insane traffic...

hello?

and i hear it... there's sadness mixed with a tear-filled voice... robyn??

what's wrong? what happened?

lydia was killed in a car accident friday night.

lydia's mom and i taught their sunday school class together... she was the one, who by appearances, was the least drama of all of them... those girls got in fights a lot... they had grown up together and seen each other through a lot of good times and a lot of bad times... the trouble is, they would remember the wrongs suffered too often... that's the way it is with teenage girls... sometimes knowing each other well opens itself up to being more of ammunition and less of compassion and understanding...

but lydia always seemed above it... she knew what was going on, but she never got too involved... she was a great kid... smart, athletic, and the peacemaker... that's what i always saw, anyway...

i honestly had no idea what she's been up to in life... i'm thinking she might have been driving home after her finals...

and i have no words... the funeral is thursday... there's absolutely no way that i can get there for the funeral... so sad...

random sunday night post...

i am sitting here watching national lampoon's christmas vacation as i felt the need to give a little update about what's going on... (i was inspired by amy's post and it's been a while)

*i leave the northwest in about a week... next monday morning... but the good news is, i don't have to drive alone... my mom, who is amazing, is paying for a friend of mine to fly back after riding with me to tennessee...

*i can't get my cd drive on my laptop to work... it ticks me off that i couldn't get a new computer while i'm still here because of the dumb towing incident... my laptop definitely needs to be replaced... it works, but i don't know how much longer it's going to hold out... i am not replacing the cd/dvd drive - i've already had to replace the hard drive... i need to change subjects...

*i talked to a friend today and told her about the furniture i needed to get rid of... her brother is moving and needs all of it... i am officially done trying to get rid of furniture, which is amazing!!!

*i went to a great thai restaurant for lunch today with friends... i've wanted to eat there for about a year and a half, if not longer than that... it was good... then, afterward, we went shopping... by the time we got to the shop, it was snowing... the big flakes... we shopped for 10 minutes, went outside and took a picture... and then, rather than going home (which i should have done), i went to go have coffee and look at books at powell's books... we were there for a while... and then we went to walk around in the snow... because it was fun... i left to go home about 3:45... it usually takes me about 15-20 minutes to get home... today it took me two hours - combination of slick roads and holiday shopping traffic... but it snowed today!!!

*the weather is kind of crazy... some freezing rain... there's a tiny possibility i won't have to work tomorrow... i'm trying not to hope/wish too hard... i would love an extra day of the weekend, even though i have so much to do at work this week...

*i haven't really started packing... this week is going to be the craziest week ever

*i got a ton of christmas shopping done... all i have left is part of mom's, erin and alyssa...

i'll post pictures of the snow from today soon... they're fun pictures!!! it was really beautiful!

i can't think of anything else right off the top of my head tonight... and i need to proof the paper and clean a little bit, in case i do have to work tomorrow... and then i'm getting some sleep!!!

so it turns out, i'm more of an every-other-week-kind-of-girl...

i don't want to make excuses... i don't have trivia done for today... partially because of life being crazy and partially because i don't feel like it... but i have a few announcements and a possibility for points...

i will continue posting movie trivia on thursdays as much as possible...

i am also starting a new competition and depending on the way it goes, it may, in the future, replace regular movie trivia days... (i am stealing the idea from a friend of a friend, because i thought it would be a fun new thing for us to try...)

here's how it will work... starting january 2, (giving me time to work up some trivia, move across the country and have a day to settle) i will post one question a day. It will be related to movies, tv, pop culture... but probably mostly movies... i haven't completely decided what the theme will be, so i'm leaving it open for now...

in order to answer the question, participants must email me the answer (not leaving it as a comment). each person who emails me the correct answer on the day the question is posted will receive one point. (or whatever point value i assign)... yes, you heard right, every person can get the points if they answer correctly... it's not only who gets it first... but you only get one guess... so, if your answer is wrong or you don't answer it the same day it's posted, no points for the day...

let me recap the rules:
1) a question will be posted
2) anyone wishing to answer the question must email the answer to me the same day
3) anyone answering correctly on the same day will receive points
4) only one guess per person per question

but i haven't gotten to the best part yet...

at the end of january (31st), whoever has the most points will win the competition...

what will they win, bob? A NEW CAR!!! ...not really

but, the winner will receive a $10 gift card to the store of their choice.

any questions?

now... today's opportunity for points... anyone answering will receive points as long as they put an answer that is valid... list your top 5 movies of 2005... in order of preference for you... they have to have been released (in the theater sometime in 2005)... each complete answer will be worth 2500 points (you have to list 5 to get the full 2500 points)...

friends don't let friends go to bad christmas parties...

Sometimes I wonder if people actually think about what they say before it comes out of their mouths. Many times I say things without thinking about the consequences and sometimes it comes back to haunt me…

But this entry isn’t about an oops moment that I had… trust me, I’ve had my fair share… but this time it’s about something else...

Tonight we had our staff Christmas party… it was a low-key Christmas thing… get there, eat, play a game or two, sing Christmas songs and hear a devotional… and they usually do presentations that need to be done at the time…

So usually, when someone is leaving the convention, the staff (exec. dir.) will present them with something, say something nice about the person leaving and open it up for others to say something… I am leaving soon, but didn’t know whether to expect anything because I’ve just been working for the convention for a year...

Right before we started singing, my “big boss” called me and another lady up to the front. She retired from working with the seminary and today was her last day. He had us both stand at the front and he said he wanted to talk about me first… so he goes on to say that he jokes around with me at the office… the truth of the matter is, he usually “jokes” around and it just gets on my nerves… he’ll come past my office and turn off the lights or try to sneak my food away from in front of me when I’m reading the newspaper at lunch… but from time to time he will say that I need to find a husband…

I never find that “joke” funny… I don’t know if I’m too uptight about the single issue, but it’s just not something that seems funny to me… maybe because it’s not something I can really “do” or maybe because I really wanted to be married for a long time (until a few months ago)… and besides, it’s not really funny… I laugh at things that are funny… I don’t laugh at that joke…

So, tonight, after he says that we joke around with each other, he said, “I usually say she needs to find a husband…” and then says, “When you go to Nashville, keep walking with God and find a husband. I know God will provide not only a man, but a Godly man.” and I guess that should be comforting or encouraging, but instead it just stung… I assure you that no one has ever heard me say that I’m moving to Nashville to find a husband or that I’m expecting to find a husband in Nashville – because I’m not and I don’t. To be honest, it’s about the last thing on my mind… but I stood there, in front of all my coworkers and their spouses and listened to him not talk about my work qualities or character qualities, but my marital state… and it made me feel small… not size small… but inadequate small… and that isn’t a good feeling to me…

I hate that people can make me feel that way, but many times, people do…

I pretty much cried off and on throughout all the singing and through part of the devotional… and immediately following the party, someone came up and asked if it bothered me that he said that, and the tears started flowing again… we stood and talked about it for a while… she encouraged me to say something to him, but I’m not sure I’ll take that advice…

Then, my supervisor (my boss, but not my “big boss”) comes over, puts his arm around my neck, and says (so that no one else can hear), “I know it’s not mine to say, but I’m sorry…” which makes me cry harder than any of the rest of it… I don’t know why that hit so hard, but it did… maybe because it was in such contrast to the earlier statements… or the manner of it was…

And then, the kicker of it all… someone else said something about me finding a husband in Nashville right before I left… and I said, “you know, I am not really looking for a husband…” and she replied with, “well, that’s when God will give you one.” And if you know anything about me, it was all I could do to stand there and not say anything… (because I HATE that fallacy!) and she went on to talk about how amazed she was at women who could be involved in ministry and be single – but it didn’t really sound like a positive statement… it definitely sounded condescending… but I could be wrong… it was just definitely rubbing the wrong way…

So I made some comment about how much life I had to live, and all the places I had to go and not wanting some man tagging along… because that would be mildly acceptable to her and it would also get her off my back about finding “the one.”

I thought parties were supposed to be fun.

this weekend i came up to seattle to work on a story for the paper. I also have another story that i'm working to put the end on today. both are due tomorrow... neither of them are (close to being) done... but i'm quasi-taking the day off...

i've slept a lot this weekend which has proven to be the best thing... emily had to work saturday night when i got here and i ended up watching tv and taking a nap... then last night, she had to go to midnight breakfast for the campus ministry she works with. she left at 9:00 or so... i watched some tv and then fell asleep... she got back about 1:00 when i woke up... then we talked for a bit and i went back to sleep until about 10:00 this morning... out of control... and yet, wonderful at the same time...

other than being impressed with my own sleeping schedule, it has been a good weekend, but different than what i expected... and, yet, typical of my seattle trips... i always want to "do" a lot of stuff... go to emp, go to the market, go on a ferry to some place... and it usually ends up not being so much about what i've done but who i've gotten to hang out with...

i treasure the time spent with friends... even though emily and i haven't gotten to hang out much this weekend (we are today for a few hours until i have to get back), the time spent will be fun... i got to hang out with an old friend from seminary... and that was enjoyable... sometimes deep conversation, sometimes surface-y... but good...

it's been wonderful to get rest... if i had stayed at home this weekend, i probably wouldn't have done much, but it wouldn't have been as restful as being here... as weird as that sounds...

at this point i'm just rambling, but i'm heading back home tonight and i have a dinner with friends from church... it's sort of like their farewell dinner for me... and today pretty much starts the craziness that is the last two weeks before moving across the country...

m-t-s-thursday movie trivia... one of these things is not like the other...

sing it with me...

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

movie trivia today is figuring out which thing is not like the others. If you can identify the one thing (actor/movie) that is not like the other, you'll get 500 points. If you can identify the reason it's not like the others, you'll get an additional 500 points. A couple of them may have opportunities for additional points as well... same rules apply... no cheating... any unguessed or mis-guessed answers/points go to me!! i've given clues because evidently it's too hard to get into my head... but right now, i feel like i've over-compensated... and maybe next week's will be better...

Just a word of caution - all the questions/answers have to do with actors/characters/movies - not the plots or necessarily similarities in the lists... for instance... #9 is not that they're all sports movies and #6 is not that they're all comedians... (not that all of them are necessarily comedians - but you get the point...) it's more specific than general...

1. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points to chris
Pete Mitchell
Ethan Hunt
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher - not a character played by tom cruise - played by chris klein who was also engaged to katie holmes
Ron Kovic

2. 1000 points available: (clue: leading men for someone), 1000 points to andrea
Russell Crowe
Heath Ledger - not a leading man to renee zellweger
Tom Cruise
Ewan McGregor

3. 1000 points available: (clue: actress) - 1000 points to chris
The Village
Adaptation
The Wedding Date - judy greer was not in this movie - but in the wedding planner
What Women Want

4. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points available: (clue: they are character names and i changed the first one, even though that character name - Linus Caldwell - was used in two movies...) 1000 points to chris... the "missing link" is that both of the actors that play the characters dated minnie driver... but i'm not giving any points to myself for it...
Wilhelm Grimm - played by Matt Damon, not John Cusack
Martin Blank
Lane Meyer
Eddie Thomas

5. if you can identify the link between what is alike/not alike, you will get an additional 500 points on this question, 1500 points available: (Jeremy Iron's dad was a tax consultant...) (i can not think of a clue that won't give it away... they're (the ones that are alike) all in a movie together and my favorite quote from it is... "Whoa! Ugly!") , 1000 points to chirs, the "missing link" is that jeremy irons plays aramis (same character as charlie sheen) in the man in the iron mask... but, again, the points go to no one... it's just useless information...
Charlie Sheen
Kiefer Sutherland
Oliver Platt
Jeremy Irons - not in the three musketeers

6. 1000 points available: (they have all been on broadway) the clue for the answer is: disney, 1000 points go to andrea
Matthew Broderick
Nathan Lane
Robin Williams - was a voice in Aladdin, not Lion King
Whoopi Goldberg

7. there are two possibilities for this question... a total of 3000 points are available: (jack black is in every one) - 2000 points go to amy, 1000 points go to andrea
Bob Roberts - joan cusack wasn't in it
High Fidelity
School of Rock - john cusack wasn't in it... neither was tim robbins...
Cradle will Rock

8. 1000 points - amy
Jennifer Garner
Kate Bosworth - not a nurse in Pearl Harbor
Kate Beckinsale
Jaime King

9. 1000 points available: (clue: actress) (Neither Like Mike nor Raising Helen are disney) , 1000 points to Chris
Raising Helen
Remember the Titans
Like Mike - Hayden Panettiere was not in this movie
Ice Princess

10. 1000 points - chris
Sean Connery - doesn't play jack ryan in a tom clancy film
Harrison Ford
Alec Baldwin
Ben Affleck

now, let's finish the song...

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

all i want for christmas is...

i am bored at work this afternoon and thought it might be fun to make up some christmas wish lists... one is of things i want for christmas... the other is a list of things i don't want for christmas... it's sort of like when someone asks for the movie good will hunting (starring ben affleck) and receives gigli (also starring ben affleck)... and they end up becoming the victim of someone's good intentions... so here are the lists...

10 things i want for christmas...

1. an ipod
2. a new computer
3. sanity
4. a gift certificate to subway that never runs out
5. long hair
6. post-it notes (post-it brand)
7. some new clothes (a pair of jeans, a jacket, maybe some shirts)
8. guitar
9. gilmore girls seasons 3-5
10. the books love in the time of cholera or postsecret

******************************************

10 things i hope i don't get for christmas

1. an am/fm radio
2. a word processor (but ironically enough, i would love an old typewriter)
3. insanity
4. a gift certificate to jack in the box that never runs out
5. those creepy white-girl extensions
6. off-brand post-it notes that don't stick
7. anything with fur or a razorback on it
8. ukulele
9. seasons 3-5 of the powerpuff girls or girls behaving badly
10. cholera or the book the secret service of the post office department

community...

my head is filled with thoughts... my cool friend erin got a call from lifeway today... she'll be on the jenness park team... she's wanted to work cfuge for years... she's incredibly excited... she came over tonight and we actually went to work out and then she wanted to know all about camp...

as i shared things with her about camp, i was reminded of so many memories... some very pleasant, some not-so-pleasant... but i was more reminded of significant people in my life... significant ministry experiences... and then some people i had almost forgotten about...

moving on...

i am currently working on two stories for the paper this month... with my already hectic work schedule and trying to pack up the pieces of my life for my upcoming move, it's going to be a busy month... i'm sure the stress will set in soon and the emotional breakdowns will follow... hopefully i'm wrong... luckily i get to go to seattle this weekend - i'll be working on a story, but i'll get to take a couple of days to just be... and i love seattle... it will be my last chance to be there for a while... honestly, i have no idea when i'll get to go to seattle again...

i'm straying from the point... the last few hours, i've been bombarded with ideas of community... the main story i'm working about is singles' ministry in the nw (and the lack of)... a big chunk of it will be 1st person - i've decided to write it that way so that it won't be so accusatory... more of a real-life example... and a big chunk of it will deal with community... i really honestly believe that i would have made it in the nw a lot longer if i had community... i have quasi-community and imitation community on some levels... but i haven't found the intimacy that comes with community... i have a few really good friends, but i need groups of people - even small groups... and so far, i haven't really found what i'm looking for... seminary was really close, but it was different with us only going to school 2 days a week and everyone living in different places...

i hate it when i get tired... my thoughts start making less sense than they would normally...

and a random side note... i realized on sunday that everyone in my immediate family is single... which is weird... i don't know anyone else who can say that... grandma, mom, dad, sister, brother... and in my extended family, there are only 3 people married of the 11 represented on my mom's side... it just seems weird... but at the same time, we represent this large demographic of people... i mean, singles are not only post-college-not-married-yets... the term also includes those who have been single for a long time (lifers), divorcees, and widows/widowers... and it spreads through all different types of people - all kinds of economic and geographic differences... political opinions, races, ages, gender... there is nothing that defines a single person aside from the fact that they aren't immediately in a marital relationship...

and right now, in sbc life in the nw, there is not really anything going on to reach them, specifically...

i'll move away from the fact that it is heartbreaking... and move to something else for a while... it might actually be as heartbreaking, if not more so...

right now i'm stuck on the irritation i have that politics enter religious life too much... i can see how political issues and the mishandling of them by many believers have squelched community... a few days ago i was overwhelmed by the gospel... it's hard for me to even hear one of my students talk about how frustrated she is that a club working to educate other students on homosexuality is trying to get started in her school...

i want to scream... "you've missed it..." jesus christ came to earth, took on my sin; died in my place, rose from the dead and offers eternal life... and it breaks His heart more that one doesn't know Him as Lord than the fact that they have a different sexual orientation from the cultural norm. Yes, I do believe homosexuality is wrong/a sin for believers... but the point is not that they are gay, but that they don't know the love of the Lord.

i'm exhausted and craving junk food... i'll go to bed and solve both problems... i'm sure this post doesn't make sense, but i have a lot of stuff floating around in my head and wanted to get it out on paper. i haven't started writing either story and i have to have one done on friday before i leave town... aaggghhh!!!

i am john daker...

you have to watch this video... the link is to a page with a bunch of videos, actually... they're all kind of painful... but the best one is the one called "The Original John Daker with Unsicker Introduction"

please... please... please watch it... the whole thing... really... the others are optional, but could provide some entertainment... some are long... but really... seriously... john daker... totally worth it!!!

my deepest apologies...

i realize that today is thursday... (for another hour)

i realize that i didn't post movie trivia today...

rather than trying to post it now (i'm tired) or tomorrow or this weekend, i think i'll just try to make next week's the best movie trivia ever or at least better than it has been lately...

i have 15 days left at work... i have 25 days (or so) left in the northwest... my apartment is getting bare as i'm starting to get rid of stuff... it looks sad... part of me feels the way my apartment looks... empty and sad... i know moving is the right thing to do, but it's still hard... there are a lot of things i'll miss about the northwest... a lot of people... i have some rough weeks ahead...

tradition... tradition...

i don't want my previous post to get skipped over... i thought it was pretty good... i would normally let that sit on the top of my page for a while... but there is a certain tradition that i need to uphold... even though it's not the first wednesday of the month, it kind of is because this week is our staff week... so it's sort of like the first wednesday of the month... and i always post something on the first wednesday of the month...

this morning we had staff chapel and i sang... joy fills my soul (sarcasm)... it went okay, but it makes me mad that i get more nervous in front of 15 people that 500... it was fine... i mean, i'm definitely not winning any grammy's from it or anything... but no major issues...

moving on (quickly)...

i've decided to tell the story... i will keep the names anonymous, to protect those involved, but i really had some major learning points from the experience and wish to share it... some of it is funny... and i don't mean to offend... but for anyone that knows me, it was too good not to share... it's a really long story... so be warned... but it could be worth it...

let me give some background... mary is one of my best friends from the northwest... she now lives in pittsburgh and got married on saturday to one of the coolest guys i've ever met... mary has always been a big part of my cheering section, and from time-to-time, is more than just a by-stander when it comes to my love life (talking about setting me up and even attempting to)... we've always talked about our relationships with guys... and she is ever-encouraging me with certain guys... i feel like the picture i've painted isn't exactly precise, but i don't know how to explain it...

so... she had asked me to sing in her wedding several months ago and i told her that i absolutely would... and then she asked me to make welcome bags for her out-of-town guests staying at the hotel... and i told her i would do that, too... so last weekend (the weekend before the wedding), i was officially tired of wedding stuff and had written off weddings and marriage (again)... my statements were... "me and weddings... we're done... don't try to win me over with your empty promises of hopeful love... i know that you put on a pretty face but underneath it all, you'll just let me down in the end..." and for the rest of the week, i lived in that mentality... until...

mary had mentioned that one of her childhood friends would be at the wedding... they sort of grew up together, as much as kids whose dads are in the military can have "childhood friends" and this guy's family and mary's family had stayed friends... he was even going to be at the rehearsal dinner... and because i'm a girl, about wednesday, i start getting excited to meet him...

friday (rehearsal dinner) comes and i meet him and he is a very attractive guy... honestly... i think he's very good looking... and he's really nice... we ended up sitting next to each other at dinner and we talk... and things are going great... i'm really excited about having met him... and looking forward to seeing him the next day at the wedding... i was really excited because i had a new outfit and i thought it looked really good...

so saturday comes, and i have the car crisis... i get to the wedding and i don't really talk to him before the wedding because i was practicing... but at the reception we talked a little... and he let me borrow his camera because my camera was in my car that had been towed... i'm not dumb... i know that he'll have to email me the pictures, starting correspondence... so as the reception's about to end, he gives me his phone number and email address and i give him mine... i mention that i'm going to go hang out at my friend's apartment and go to nw 23rd that night... one of my favorite places in portland and i invite him along... he was going to go to dinner with his family but said he might give me a call later... i ended up being in beaverton longer than expected, and he called as i was near the hotel he was staying... he wanted to go to alyssa's... so i rode with him over to her house... we went to eat on nw 23rd... and then we went back to alyssa's to watch diary of a mad black woman... he ended up taking me to get my car that night from the towing company... and the whole time, he was an absolute gentleman... i never had to open a door... when we went to the towing company, he was reassuring and made me feel very safe (it was in a sketchy part of town)... and as we left from there, he gave me a hug and told me he'd call me the next day...

i went home beaming... what a great guy... if anyone had ever questioned if i was a girly-girl, it definitely got answered that night... he called the next day and the plan was for me to head down toward beaverton and go out to eat with his family and mary's family, but when the time came, they were all too tired, so he ended up coming to vancouver and we went out - just the two of us... we went to eat at a new restaurant downtown and to see harry potter and the goblet of fire... through dinner and the movie, i felt like i was being boring... like i hate the small talk stuff that happens when you meet someone new... it felt awkward and unnatural... and i really wanted to break through it all... so after the movie, i asked if he was tired or if he wanted to go get coffee... he said coffee would be fine, so we get in my car and head to starbucks... i went the back way to show him part of vancouver, but it was super-foggy... so it ended up being more like the "used-to-be-seattle tour" (that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but you, amy...) but we get to the street that starbucks is on... it's right next to my office, right by where i lived for 2 years... where i went to school... i know this street well... and i'm driving up the hill... going about my normal speed for this hill (40-45)... and it was foggy... but he says, "could you slow down? you're freaking me out..." which, to be honest, pissed me off... i started to boil, but didn't say anything...

we get to starbucks and only the drive-thru is open... so we can either get coffee, sit in the car and talk for a while or get it and head back to the theater... we get in the drive-thru and i tell him i'm buying (because he paid for dinner and the movie) and he says, "oh... i don't want anything..." that made me mad, too... i finally convince him to get something, because i won't get anything if he doesn't... (and i'm skipping some other stuff here, too...) and we head back toward the theater... there were a couple of times when he adjusted the heater in the car without asking first, which is fine... but then (i had a mixtape cd in - the soundtrack of my life), a garth brooks song came on... i'm not a huge country music fan, but i like certain songs... as the song came on, he said, "oh i hate country music" and flips to the next song... which kind of irritates me... but then... carolina in my mind comes on... it's one of my favorite songs... and he immediately says, "i hate this song" and flips it again...

at this point, i'm kind of irritated, but not completely done yet... throughout the evening, there had been a few references to movies... he hadn't seen the few that i talked about... on saturday night, i had told him i was a pretty big movie fan... at the store, he had purchased a monty python shirt, so i was thinking he was, too... he asked me how many dvd's i own... about 75... and he says, "oh i've got you beat..." and at one point, he even said, "you don't own princess bride and you call yourself a movie fan?" i'm pretty aware of culture... i'm not obsessed with what is going on in hollywood all the time, but i watch a fair amount of tv, movies and listen to what i think is some good music... i sometimes forget that others aren't necessarily as aware as i am...

the song "winding road" comes on... i really love the song and i love telling people it's bonnie somerville... the girl that played mona on the 8th season of friends... so i ask... "did you watch friends?" and he says... "no, i don't have cable..." what? i didn't say anything even though i wanted to... seriously... 10 years... on network television... the reruns are on fox, also not cable... i mean, sure, they do show the reruns on some cable networks... but it blew me away...

we get back to the theater and he gets out and gets in his car and leaves... and as i drove home, i thought, "he was so yesterday..." and then i started thinking about it more seriously... am i shallow?

it made me think of a quote in high fidelity... rob says, "A while back, Dick, Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter! Call me shallow, it's the truth."

there is some debate about whether or not this thought is actually held to in the movie, but i think it's true for me... my stance on movies is that i really like talking about them, but not in the general sense... i like to find theological implications in movies or talk about how the director did this... or one of cameron crowe's directorial trademarks being a car scene... or how he weaves the soundtrack into the film... or how the color red is used in the sixth sense... it's bigger than the general hollywood discussion of who's dating whom... but a lot of times, i know that stuff... you take the bad with the good...

throughout the date, i was asking a lot of questions... (which also kind of irritated me...) i like discussion and even a healthy level of debate... one of the questions i asked was "what is your favorite band/musician?" - he didn't have an answer... i knew that he really only listens to christian music... he said, "i don't know... what about you?" immediately, i got nervous... i thought, "what's the best/least repulsive christian band i can think of off the top of my head..." and i landed on caedmon's call... which is okay, but certainly not my favorite... simon and garfunkel hold that spot... but in an instant, i said what i thought he would want to hear...

and after reflecting on it that night, i realized some things... i'm a little bit domineering... i think that was the case with this guy... i need someone who will challenge me and be strong in more ways than just being a gentleman (cue: are you strong enough to be my man?)... i need to be with someone who i can discuss movies and music and tv (culture) with... it's important to me... instead, in that instant, i felt ashamed of the things i really like... and that didn't feel good... and the shame didn't come from conviction of the holy spirit, but by a person who really shouldn't have power to do that...

and even though this guy is probably the nicest guy i've ever met and very attractive, i realized that those two things don't necessarily make him a perfect man for me... which is fine... because for someone else, he will be... and, that guy who is perfect for me may be out there somewhere, too...

but it doesn't really matter... it was just weddings' way of trying to sneak back in there... trying to win my favor once again... if i met a guy at a wedding, maybe i'd be a fan again... but you're out of luck... i saw through your game... we're still done...

okay... so here are the pictures from mary's wedding... i'm not sure how they'll show up in the post... but i'll give my commentary on each one... it should be pretty self-explanatory... first up are a couple of fun pictures of mary and rob...

i feel like they're classic looks from each of them... (keep in mind... i didn't take any of these pictures and i haven't really had a chance to edit them... i'm planning to adjust the light/colors at some point... but not today...)
next up are pictures of me and mary and me and sarah... sarah is mary's younger sister and was her maid of honor... i met sarah when she came to visit mary (when mary still lived in beaverton) and think she's wonderful... i had some plans to try and be related to her, but i don't think they're going to work out... too bad... but she is really fun... and she lives in japan right now, working for the university of oklahoma - okinawa

next is a picture of russ and susan (susan is mary's mom and russ is a new friend from the wedding - one of mary's family friends' son... or something like that...) the reason for the picture is mary's mom's dress... at work, we've been talking about the style of moms' dresses at weddings... one of my coworker's daughters just got engaged... she's not a big fan of the typical style...
and the last picture i threw in for two reasons... another example of the mom dress style... rob's mom is the one in the purple-y colored dress... the other reason is that it's a full shot of me (with a weird look on my face) ... with the outfit i wore... i honestly can't remember the last time i wore a skirt that was shorter than ankle-length before that day... you can't really see the detail of the outfit... but that's it... i will also be sporting the outfit to our staff christmas party in a couple of weeks... i don't have a date... any takers???

ok... i'm hoping this works okay and makes sense...

Oh, man, I had a weekend...

i am very torn about writing about this weekend... it was definitely one of the craziest weekends i've had in a very long time... it is just the kind of thing that is so inspiring and would be the best writing i've done... but we'll see... i've written some in my journal and i may just go ahead and write it later tonight because i'm pretty sure i'll have the time...

it will blow your mind...

seriously...

craziest week...

this week will be one of the craziest weeks ever... i'm just trying to keep my head above water... tonight is relient k and mxpx at the crystal ballroom...

and then to beaverton to drop off the welcome bags for the wedding this weekend...

my desk is messy and i wish i had an assistant... 21 work days left...

gotta run!!!

m-t-s-thursday... movie trivia... part 7

today's movie trivia is posted... except it won't show up yet on my computer... which is weird... but it's there... it's not going to be on the front page... it's hidden back in 1999... so click on 11.1999 on the sidebar and start guessing... since i can't see it, i'm hoping that it worked okay... it was kind of a complicated one this time... but i hope it's fun for everyone - something different for me, anyway...

finally... this is the album cover for the mixtape... i love the cd and thought this would be cool...  

cd art...

i have been trying to post a picture of the cd cover i made for a mixtape cd amy made for me a few months ago. i copied the cd for a couple of friends and wanted it to look extra cool... and i can't get the picture to upload on my site... sad... as soon as i can, i'm going to post it... because it's cool...

on a separate mixtape note... i saw an interview with cameron crowe on npr.org. actually, i'm listening to it right now... it's about the marriage of music to movies (via soundtracks), which is something he does a marvelous job with... if you're interested in hearing the interview, here's the link...

and one other separate mixtape note... i officially declared mixtape a genre today... because i think it's legal to say "mixtape cd..." and mixtape cd sounds better than compilation cd or compilation album... unless those are the subtitles...

the end of the sunset in spokane... it was a great end to a short little roadtrip...  

the sun kept peeking over the top of the hills... and it was a great reminder for me... truly beautiful!!! 

here's a handful of snow i picked up... i ate a couple of bites before throwing it back on the ground... yum... 

this is what a lot of the drive looked like... beautiful snow-covered trees hiding the sun...  

i took a short little drive through wallace, idaho... this is downtown... cute... and out in the middle of nowhere...  

i actually stopped on the side of the road to take this one... i was in idaho and it was too pretty to pass by without taking a picture...  

random "artsy" shot from the road... somewhere in idaho...  

i just thought this was a funny name for a bar... i parked right beside it to go into sparky's firehouse subs where i bought the best sandwich i've eaten in a very very long time!!! 

this is a view from the balcony of the ballroom on a cloudy day... i loved it!!! 

i love the way the mountains looked like they were covered in suede... it amazed me...  

the vista house from i-84... this is only about 30 minutes from my house... very early on in the journey!!! 

sunday nights make me sad...

i'm really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow... it'll be a busy day, which will be good to make the time pass by quickly... but i'm not excited about going back... one tear...

much to write...

i took a quick trip to idaho and montana earlier today... (mentioned in movie trivia)... and it was wonderful... absolutely wonderful... i am grateful to dave f. and matt o. who encouraged the road trip in our discussion...

i want to be able to formulate my thoughts a little better... but there are three major things that stuck out in major ways on the drive...

1. i remembered what it was like to be 5 years old today in a very particular way... when i was a kid i was amazed by nature... trees looked HUGE and snow was the most beautiful sight i had ever seen... not only was it aesthetically pleasing, but it also brought the hope of a day without school... i loved being in the car and looking at nature passing me by...

somewhere between the time of 5 years old and 25 years old, things have changed... trees don't seem as tall anymore... snow is exciting, but not in the same way...

but things were different today... the trees in idaho and montana are HUGE!!! seriously - they're tall trees... they were all the way up the side of the mountain where i could barely see the top without ducking my head down to be able to see more... beautiful, tall snow-covered evergreen trees... one of the most beautiful things i've seen in a very long time... i even stopped at a "historical site" and got a handful of snow, took pictures and ate a bite or two... for old times sake... and today i used comp time from work, so it was almost as happy as not having school... or happy in a different way - but with much joy...

it made me feel small today - not in an insignificant sense of the word, but in the wide-eyed wonder sense of the word... i got chills looking at the mountainside... my heart was happy...

2. coming back to spokane, i somehow timed it right without even knowing it... and was driving into spokane while the sun was setting... and i'm just going to tell you that the sky looked big... very very big... and it was streaked with the most brilliant colors i've seen in a very long time... as i tried to imagine those colors together on a palatte, it didn't seem the same... as i thought about it some more i realized... i could never recreate those colors... the sky was on fire... even thomas kinkade can't match God's art... i got to see a piece of it today in the afternoon sky... and my heart was happy...

3. i stopped in coeur d'alene (pronounced core da lane - it's french... so i guess the plural would be coeurs d'alene...) during early afternoon... i drove around the lake (gorgeous!!!) and then i stopped at a mexican restaurant and ate and then walked down to a used/rare book store, where i bought 4 books... looking through the shelves was wonderful... i love old book stores... love them!!! i told the owner that i was so glad to have found him this afternoon... i think he was happy for the company for a while... i loved it... it made my heart happy...

so after all this happy heart business... it's just made me realize the faithfulness of God... it is no secret that i've been struggling in many ways the last several weeks and months... that journey is not over by a long shot... but i was reminded of His goodness today in a fresh way...

and i haven't even mentioned the conversation from last night... but there is no time for that right now... it's been a great 24 hours... more info about the conversation to come... it was on that level of the great conversations i have with my boss sometimes... but way way better... i know it's a great conversation when i both cry and snort...

but for now... i gotta go... oh... and i'll post pictures as i'm able...

m-t-s-thursday, part 6... road trip...

okay... new trivia... and you should feel happy... i totally didn't feel like making it up... and i did... just for you!!! today's theme is no secret... each of the quotes contain either "idaho" or "montana" because that is where i'm going in just a little while... i'm so close that i can drive to both... hang out in several different places and make it back to spokane by 8:30... amazing... so have fun... no cheating... i'll update answers as i'm able...

name the movie for 1000 points each...

1. I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that? {hunt for red october} ~ chris
   
2. Look, I may be from Montana, but we have men there also. {phone booth} ~ chris
   
3. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise. {A River Runs Through It} ~ chad
   
4. I will listen now. After your father's murder, you were orphaned. You were ten years old. You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch in Montana. And...? {silence of the lambs} ~ andrea
   
5. Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup. {sweet home alabama} ~ andrea
   
6. A mall? Where y'all think we're at, Boise, Idaho? Shooo! {adventures in babysitting} ~ andrea
   
7. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? {napoleon dynamite} ~ chad
   
8. No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump. {overboard} ~ andrea
   
9. Way to go, Idaho! {toy story} ~ andrea
   
10. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho. {the muppet movie} ~ chris

spokane...

it's been an interesting couple of days... i feel like it's thursday, but it's only monday... wow... i have 2 full days left of convention stuff left... i'm pretty sure that i'll be wiped out wednesday night... but it's okay... it's a very nice break from the usual...

and today - i got to sleep in a lot... i LOVE staying in hotels... and this hotel is super nice... i'm staying on the 8th floor... so i opened the curtains and woke up to a beautiful skyline view of spokane... and can see the lights now of the city... i LOVE it!!!

okay... enough about all that...

it's also been really good to see poeple that i haven't seen in a while... today, i randomly ran into a friend of mine from seminary on the balcony of the skyline ballroom... i had just been thinking... "wow... there's a balcony... that would be cool to go on and just be..." and then i noticed him out there... random... and fun...

oh... and i get to be a messenger for my church, which means i get to vote on stuff... which is something new... my pastor and his wife were registering and they asked me if i wanted to be a messenger... so i get to be... which is pretty fun...

but my contacts are drying out... and i'm tired... so i'm going to take them out and go to sleep... and i will just go on the record in saying that they have the best pillows ever... and a great desk chair... i know that people take hotel towels all the time... i wonder if i could get out with the desk chair and the pillows...

today's been a heck-of-a-day...

and i'm glad it's friday... i'm going home...

m-t-s-thursday, part 5... is it thursday already?

i realized this morning that it's thursday again... work has been stressful this week... i've officially worked 2 hours past when i get off tonight and who knows how long i'll be here tomorrow night... i seriously just thought, "if i leave by 6:00, that will be okay..." and then i looked down at my watch and realized it was almost 6:30... but i have to put up movie trivia today or i will get a bad reputation... i fully expect that this week's will be shorter than last weeks... i have no good ideas and no real time to be creative (or energy...)

the rules are the same... no cheating... and have fun... (and i am sure there are others... i just can't remember what they are...)

For each quote, name the movie and the actor/actress who says it for 1000 points each... (see, i'm giving lots of points away... you should be happy!)

1. I'm right on top of that, Rose. {don't tell mom... the babysitter's dead - christina applegate} ~ chris
2. I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". {office space - john c. mcginley} ~ chad, but no one gets the additional 1000 (because it was listed... and cheater points don't count!!)
3. So that's why everyone around here treats me like some dime-store floozy. They all think I'm screwing the boss. {9 to 5 - dolly parton} ~ amy
4. Oh... This is nice, I don't understand why women complain about waxing. {what women want - mel gibson} ~ chris
5. Well, we obviously can't leave you alone with that stapler. {two weeks notice - hugh grant} ~ chris
6. Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. {being john malkovich - john cusack} ~ robyn
7. I hate men who smell like beer and bean dip... and makin' love in the back of recreational vehicles! {big business - bette midler} ~ chris
8. I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing. {jerry maguire - tom cruise} ~ chris
9. Ah, so you're a son of a Mitch. {elizabethtown - kirsten dunst} ~ emily/chad
10. We need Kate, and we need Leo. And we need them now. Come on. [they go in and watch Titanic] {love actually - liam neeson} ~ chris

2500 points goes to the person that can guess the theme... that's a lot - but i'm feeling generous today... the theme is "office" - amy guessed jobs... which is close enough...

12000 points to chris
4500 points to amy
2000 points to chad
1000 points to emily
2000 points to me for the remaining quote and actor

The theme is NOT chick flicks... (a lot of them are - but they're not all chick flicks and that's a cop-out of a theme... i'm a little more creative than that!)

a break in the rain brought to you by the first wednesday of the month...

i love these days... the quiet first wednesdays of the month are one of my most treasured things at work... and this week has been rainy... the past two days, it's been gray skies, clouds and rain... the whole world looked gray... and i like the rain... but it's nice to look out my window today and see patches of blue behind the clouds...

november is looking to be a pretty crazy month... it's amazing how time slips by so quickly... unnoticed... i've been thinking on the lyric "Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans" (Thank you, John Lennon, for that slice of brilliance)... i heard this phrase first when i was in high school... it should have been a warning... but instead, i thought it fun and interesting... and didn't heed the warning...

and today is probably no different... i often miss things because i'm looking at the next step... i've said it before that when i get on "go" mode (at work or in life), i might accidentally step on someone and not even know it... if i'm "on a mission" to do something, i often don't notice who i'm hurting or ignoring in the process...

here's the real life example...

i have a couple of great friends in the northwest... they're the friends i'd pick even if i hadn't had to take desperate attempts to find friends here... they have definitely moved past the arena of "friends by convenience" and right into that special spot called "friends by choice..." they are fun and exuberant... (i just really like that word...) they are the people that don't laugh at me (at least to my face) when i'm having weird issues... when we talk about guys (it's just... a little crush), they want the whole story, with no part left out... and i want the whole story from them, too...

what's funny and a bit ironic, is that i don't know if we make each others' b.f.f. lists... we all have other friends that we "do stuff" with... we're not bound in those relationships... i don't hang out with them every second of the day... but they're my friends... true... honest... fun...

i haven't considered their feelings much in the last few months... with all the planning for the move... at one point one of the girls let me borrow a cd (vance gilbert) with a song on it called "taking it all to tennessee" and she said that's her song to me... it's a great song (and cd, by the way)... but one of the verses stung me in a very deep way... i've put the words below (to the chorus and the verse...)

Now you're taking it all to Tennessee
Taking it all to Tennessee
What about me?

I haven't heard you mention my name
And tomorrow in the same phrase
Since this Smokey Mountain conversation started
You've got this picture of your place
And you flash it in my face
Well, if you want me to for you
I'll be excited

life has happened to me with my northwest friends while i've been busy getting ready for nashville... i don't want to miss it anymore... i've tried to be intentional with them - to say "tomorrow" and their names in the same sentence... to make deliberate plans with them... i will miss them when i move... i have friends in nashville, but it's just like starting over... and while that's exciting and fun... it's also terrifying...

maybe i'm just more introspective today... i think that kind of mood comes with the kind of weather we've been having...

on sunday, i'm going to spokane for our annual convention meeting... i'm hoping there is free internet in the hotel and i can take my laptop and blog from there... i don't know how much time i will have... but i'm excited to go to spokane because i've never been to eastern washington and i'll get to drive over to idaho and mark another state off my list... and hopefully, i'll get to hang out with my friend heather... it's been a long time...

but i guess i should get some work done before the meeting is over and the silence is broken...

workin' 9 to 5...

just about every week, i have a new idea about what i want to do (job) when i get to nashville... it's kind of funny... i have all kinds of weird ideas...

this week, i have a couple of ideas...
starbucks
substitute teacher

last week, it was:
human resources

i've also toyed around with several other ideas:
flower delivery
secretarial
post office
anything in the batman building
publishing
sales (any kind)
graphic design (still)
photography (for a studio)
back-up singer (i forgot about this one until chad mentioned it...)

isn't a fun and random list? it can be the poll question of the day... what kind of job should i try and get when i move? one of my coworkers has an assessment test that i can take to see what i'd be good at... it totally makes me think of chandler/friends, but it could be fun to see what it says... so i think i'm going to take it later this week... until then... what do you think i should be when i grow up? (serious and not-so-serious answers appreciated!!!)

what's your favorite scary movie?

i've never been a huge halloween fan (the holiday)... i don't hate it, but i have never really gone all out for it, either... a couple of years ago i dressed up like a powerpuff girl... this year, i have no plans for halloween...

there have been a ton of scary/suspenseful movies on this weekend... i watched (parts of) urban legend 1 & 2 and final destination 1 & 2... i had seen the originals, but not the sequels... there have been others on tv, but that's all that i've watched... it's kind of fun to have them on... i like scary movies, but rarely watch them...

last night alyssa and i went downtown and ate at mcmenamins... and walking to and from her apartment, we saw all kinds of people dressed up in various costumes, going to parties... we thought about crashing a couple of the parties, but we weren't dressed for it... it was just interesting to see so many people dressed up... i'm definitely not used to it... while we were in fred meyer, we saw a bunch of costumed-capers... my favorites for the night were probably the trekkie and the body from operation (the game)... he was just wearing this nude-colored suit and then he had the bone-shapes from the game, outlined in red all over him... it took us a while to figure out what he was... it looked kind of creepy...

sometimes i wish i liked halloween more... but it usually just passes without a second thought... maybe if i had something to do, it would be more fun...

cute matching brother and sister picture! 

the score... 0-0... go stAte...

nugee and blake getting ready to experience a LONG game of football... but fun... go stAte!

we're still really confused about the indian's hand... the indian stands out in front of the bcm on game days...

at least we're still hot in our old age...

the four of us invaded andy's office... 

the movie shelf all loaded up... 

jaclyn and amy alphabetizing the movies for the shelf... 

smiling pretty for the camera at the drop-in...

cute girls at the bcm drop in...